Christmas Loves

Christmas has come and gone another year. It's really my favorite time of year, but I guess a lot of people say that. People seem to either hate the holidays or love them. I love them. And I say holidays because I'm including all of them Christmas, Thanksgiving and St Nicks day as well as New Years, Kwanza and Hanukkah and even my children's birthdays that fall during this season. Since they all end up running into each. I may not celebrate kwanza or hannukkah but I appreciate their meaning and sentiment and those who do celebrate them. It doesn't offend me that people say Happy Holidays. I just think yes have a happy holy day.



Some of my favorite things about the holidays are things that other people usually dislike. For instance the crowds and the shopping frenzy. Its seems more and more people are shopping online to avoid the crowds. I just don't understand why. I love to stand in the mall at its most crowded and just feel the energy and the buzz of it all. Not that I am much of a shopper but something about the energy in the air excites me. I don't have to find a single bargain to have fun, although I think that is a thrill too. I don't mind the cranky cashier or the rude clerk because I love saying a sincere thank you to a frazzled cashier or tired store clerk and seeing a change in their expression as the sincerity warms them a bit. I especially love it when I hear them greet their next customer a little more friendly. I love the wrapping presents frenzy. I love to wrap presents and imagine the looks of the kids as they unwrap them. i love it especially when I can take time to wrap a present special and creatively, I even liked it when I worked retail and it was my job. Maybe I should take it up as an occupation. I like to hear the Christmas carols playing over the loud speakers and I don't care that they start playing them the day after Halloween. I wish they'd play year round, since that seems to be the only way to get stores to play christian music. Actually I wish the Christmas season lasted a little bit longer and if the retail industry wants it to start in September they have a yes vote from me. I love all the decorations from the elegant and tasteful to the overdone and tacky. Actually I especially love the yards that somehow fit ten or more big inflatable or giant plastic decorations on their small yard or roof. I love the people that have no rhyme or reason to their lights but they have as many as they can fit cluttering up their yard. I love to guess the personality and lifestyle of the people living inside homes during the holidays and imagining how they plan their decor.

I love the things everyone else loves too. I love the traditions that are reinforced this time of year from the simple drive by of the same decorated streets to the elaborately planned parties. I love to bake and cook with my kids and hand out our homemade treats to friends, loved ones, family, and those we encounter each day and that serve us like the postman, the teachers, lunch lady, janitor and librarian. Just seeing their smile for remembering them spreads more joy. I love the wrapping paper and ribbons, the candles and the gingerbread houses. I love the many ranges of ways people celebrate and the fact that no two families seem to do it quite the same. I love watching the amusement on children's faces as they pick out the toys they would love to have or notice the animated decorations moving to the music or they spy Santa for the first time walking through the mall. I love making paper chains and hand print wreaths and other childhood craft favorites. I love making Christmas special for those I love. Whether it's a friend, or family member, and especially when its my own children. I love to think of just the right present, and even more I love to do something little to surprise them and cheer them during this fun season.

But most of all I love the reason for the season. I love that it all started with the birth of a baby to a virgin young girl in humble little stable with a overwhelmed earthly father and awed shephard strangers visiting. And a savior who was born gentile and volunerable yet stronger and more knowledgable than any man. I love that our God loves us so very much that he could think of no better way to save us than to become one of us. His love is so great and wisdom so amazing that he choose not to just tell us but show us the way and give us a true life model of what he imagined we could be if we would just follow him and transform ourselves to be like him, mold ourselves after him and seek him seek him seek him. I love you God and I thank you for this ultimate gift of which none can compare.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I'm 30 Today.


Yup, couldn't avoid it. I have felt like I was 30 years old since I was 12, so I really didn't think it was a big deal, until it happened. Suddenly my 30th birthday was here and I wanted to be 18 again, the world at my doorway and not knowing where I was headed. Actually I was lost. That was not so fun. Perhaps it'd be better to be 22 again. I liked 22, it was a pivitol year in my life. A lot of good things happened that year, like the birth of my firstborn. It would be a fun year to revisit. I was young and thought I knew everything, only to find out by becoming a mom, I knew nothing. Ok, maybe I want to be 50, wiser, more settled, more secure, feeling like life has passed in the blink of an eye. On second thought, maybe it's nice to be 30. Old enough to know I don't know everything, young enough to see a future full of possibility. Maybe 30 will be the year for me to find me.

I guess I just am not where I thought I would be at 30 years old. I still don't feel like a grown up. And yet I'm certainly no longer a kid. I'm not sure if the feeling of crossroads is because I'm still so immature, or if I have it's because I've always tried to be too mature. I've always felt like I didn't belong at the kiddie table. Now that I'm old enough to sit with the grown ups, I'd rather be sitting with my kids. Maybe we never feel our age.

The First Day of Preschool

Carter and Addie have finally started preschool. The process to get them qualified was quite the ordeal, speech evaluations, cognitive tests, occupational and physical therapy evaluations, as well as pages and pages of questionnaires to fill out. It felt like a mountain at the time, but now that they are actually enrolled in the preschool it is great and was well worth it. It makes such a difference to have them in a preschool with teachers and therapists who actually know how to deal with all of their special needs and understand their anxieties, compulsions and sensory issues. They don't seem to stand out like the "different" children at this preschool. They are not an extra handful for the teacher to deal with, they just have individual needs that she plans for like she does each of the other children in the class. It is a wonderful environment.

Their First Day

Addie, Carter and Mommy were all nervous but excited for the first day of school. We had everything ready for school the night before, clothes laid out, snacks packed in their lunch boxes, back packs ready with changes of clothes and diapers. We were prepared. Philip spent the night with grandma and grandpa so I could stay and get them settled into their class without him hanging on my arm. We started the day with a nice warm breakfast of waffles. After cleaning up and getting dressed we put on coats and backpacks and headed out the door. We paused on the front steps so I could catch some photos.

We needed to get Sadie to school at 9:00am so we were a little early. After taking her to her class we walked around the school for a little bit so Addie and Carter could get familiar with it. We went to the library sat on the couch and read some books about the first day of school until it was time to go to their class.

As we walked down the hall some fifth graders came down the hall toward us looking great, big, and tall compared to Addie and Carter. Carter immediately got nervous and froze mid step. He looked at me in a panic. "Up-a-you Mommy" he said, wanting me to carry him.
"No Carter, you can walk just move to the side and let the big kids pass."
"No up-a-yooou!" he said quite emphatically this time.
"Carter you are a big school boy now, you need to walk, don't be nervous the big kids will watch out for you. You can do it, just walk down the side of the hall buy the wall and hold my hand."
"I can't walk, my leg is broken," he said in his most pathetic voice with big pouty lips.
I laughed a little to myself at what a master manipulator he was. But I knew I couldn't give in even though my Mommy voice was saying it would be so much easier for both of us if I would just scoop him up and carry him down the hall to his class, no lesson learned. I didn't give in to it. I just walked down the hall with my hand held out so he could grasp it if he chose to, Addie walked a few feet in front of us excited to go see her new class. Carter more afraid to be left alone in the hall then to walk down it himself scampered to catch up with me and place his death grip on my fingers.

As we got to the end of the hall we saw his teacher outside the class. She greeted them with such a nice big smile he forgot the trauma from the hallway. "Good Morning Carter and Adrianna, I am so happy to see you this morning. We are going to have a good day." She has this beautiful accent so that when she talks each consonant is very pronounced. It has a very soothing tone when she talks to the kids and it set them both at ease.

She showed them where their names were next to the hooks outside the classroom, where they would hang their coat and backpacks up each morning. Addie was excited to find an "A" for Addie in her name. She also pointed out Carter's "C". She enjoys being an overachiever whenever an opportunity presents itself to her.

We were still a few minutes early so the bus with the other kids had not arrived yet. Their teacher, Su, showed them around the class and introduced them to the assistants while she waited for the other kids to arrive. A few minutes later the bus arrived and the room was filled with a warm energy that only young kids can provide.

Su had re-done the schedule in anticipation of twins arrival and so the routine was new for everyone that morning. She split the class into two groups, one did floor activities in the hall while Addie, Carter and two other students stayed in the class. They start off the morning with their sensory diet, which is not food, but exercises that give them the vestibular input they need. These exercises include jumping on the trampoline, swinging, walking on the balance boards, laying on the mat and having a textured exercise ball rolled up and down their back, and sitting in an isolation "egg" chair. Addie loved the trampoline but didn't really try anything else. Carter enjoyed jumping and also really liked laying on the mat and having the ball rolled across his head and back. You could literally see the calm come over his face as he laid their. When the sensory time was over they both seemed more settled and calm.

The next activity was circle time where they sing songs, do exercises, find the weather and listen to a story. Amazingly, they sat through circle time relatively focused and compliant. I think this had a lot to do with the sensory diet activities that calmed them first thing in the morning. There were other factors that also contributed to their success at circle time. Each child has their own labeled "home spot" where they sit each time they are at circle. No arguing over where they want to sit, each child is assigned to a spot next to people that will not cause big distractions for them. Addie and Carter were given therapeutic chairs to sit in, along with another boy, that also helped them to stay focused because they didn't have to worry about sitting cris-cross applesauce or laying on the floor or getting too close to neighbors. I didn't think it would be necessary the first time Su talked about the chairs with me and the occupational therapist, but seeing them at circle time I could see how it helped ensure good behavior by eliminating some of their triggers. I guess that is what success at school is all about for them. Setting them up for success.

After circle time they moved onto snack time. I used this as an opportunity to leave the classroom without them getting upset because I knew they would be fully immersed in snack time. They always love a snack. And this would be one of the key things Carter would be needing instruction on. He has stuffing issues with food and sensory issues that leave him making messes with his food or rubbing it on his face and hands.

I snuck down to Sadie's class for a few minutes to help out with publishing. I enjoy volunteering in her class and seeing her interact with her teacher and peers. I was distracted with thoughts of Carter and Addie though and returned to their class about 15 minutes later.

When I got back to their class they were just cleaning up their snack mess. Carter was not wanting to put his napkin in the garbage. He pulled his old trick out of the bag saying to Janis his OT, "My hand is broken I can't do it" I told her about the incident with his leg this morning as she persuaded him to do his job and toss the napkin.

After snack there are a variety of activities that take place. They went outside to play for a few minutes which I accompanied them to because they were a little nervous, all those big kids on the playground. When they came back inside there was playdough at the art table, sand in the sensory table, cars and trucks and building blocks on the floor, and everything organized and planned and supervised by the teacher. No chaos at all. Everything ran smoothly and Carter and Addie were both engaged in activities and playing along side other children without concern.

The day ended gathered again at circle time. They sang one last song and read a story. Su had such a beautiful way of engaging the children in the story that none of them were distracted. After singing a short goodbye song they were excused by the "kid of the day" whom they stand and thank and then go get their coat and back packs. It is a nice ending routine and made for a smooth transition, although getting all the way to the car was a bit of a challenge, but that will be solved when they can finally take the bus in a week or two.

A great first day at their new school, and we look forward to the next day tomorrow.

Kids Gettin Crafty

Valentine's day is just around the corner, so it was time to pull out the red construction paper and the doilies, the heart sticker and the sequins, and get our fingers all sticky with glue to make some pretty frilly valentine's cards. Nothing says love quite like a homemade valentine from your kids. I just love watching each of them work in their own creative way. Addie's favorite part was pouring out the glue, dumping on the confetti and of course cutting up little pieces of paper with the fancy scissors. Carter liked painting and stamping with all the bright, pretty colors, although he ended up with more on his hands then the paper. Philip has become quite the little creator, he was very thoughtful and precise as he executed his art plans; he drew one long straight line of glue and carefully arranged the sequins on it; he cut one long straight line and folded his card just right. Sadie is a true artist. She draws beautifully, with an eye for detail and scale that impresses everyone. I love to see things through the eyes of a child... especially my children.

Puddle Jumping

It was a wet and rainy day today. The kids had been cooped up in the house all morning and were a little restless, but well behaved. We had spent some time playing toys on the floor, and then doing a painting project with sponge stamps. I looked outside at the rain hitting the window and just knew the kids would love going puddle splashing. So we bundled up in our coats and rain boots, grabbed the umbrellas and headed out the door. There is just no other experience like walking in the rain with three preschoolers happily splashing in rubber boots and twirling their oversized umbrellas. We took some time to really observe the rain. To watch the droplets land on the pavement or run down the nylon of the umbrellas. We listened to the "drip drops" as Philip called them, and noticed how they sounded louder on the umbrella then on our hoods. We even stuck out our tongues and tasted the rain. But there was just nothing as much fun as jumping and spalshing in the big puddles on the street. We splashed until our pants were wet up to the knees and our coats were so soaked that water ran into our eyes. Then we got Sadie off the school bus and took her home to get boots on so we could search for more puddles to jump in. The park next door offered lots of places to observe the rain. Sadie searched the grass for worms to "save" from drowning. The playground was far to slippery to play on with rubber boots, so instead we drew in the water with our fingers and watched the rain race to the drain. After suffiently soaking ourselves we decided it was time for an energy booster. We piled in the van and headed to the donut shop for treats. What a fun day!

Preschool

Today I went to Sunnyland to observe the Preschool Carter and Addie will be attending. It is a special education preschool right in the same elementary school that Sadie goes to. In fact the twins' class is only a few doors away. I think that this will be a much better fit for them then the preschool they were enrolled in. The special needs preschool has three teacher's assistants that help the teacher the entire time as well as speach and occupational therapists that come and work with the kids intermittently throughout the week. The program is specifically designed to meet the needs of each child, the teacher kept telling me it isn't a "cookie cutter class" that it is important to her to find the best options possible for Addie and Carter. The teacher was trying to decide which time would be best for them to attend school. Options are 9:30-11:30 am with a total of 11 kids some of who are a year older then Ad and CJ, or 11:30-1:30pm with 4-5 kids the same age. A smaller class sounds great, except the time is just not right. Addie and Carter still need naps each day and the afternoon is their really cranky time. I worry they will be too tired at that time to be cooperative and in the best learning mood. I'd also like to use this opportunity to be able to work with Philip and get him ready for Kindergarten, as well as give him the one on one time that he craves.

While I was at the school I almost got teary eyed trying to decide what would be best for my kids. Sometimes just the idea of being the primary decision maker gets overwhelming. Jose rarely has an opinion in these matters because he doesn't even understand all of their needs, sensory issues, abilities and disabilities. Since I have always been the one to take them to their therapy sessions and meet with the doctors and teachers, he can't really help in these decisions. The thing is, especially with my two little special needs kiddos, I want to give them every advantage possible, but I don't want to push them too hard, or too fast either. I also don't want to underestimate their abilities, and I want to make sure they are in an excellent learning environment where they are getting challenged. I'm not really worried about them being "labeled" with disabilities like many people seem to be. I think these labels can actually help them find their learning style or adjust their surroundings to fit their needs. I think identifying their needs is just part of being a good parent, provider or educator. My kids needs are very different from eachother. They are each so unique. Carter and Addie are developing typically in many ways. They don't have significant delays in speech, cognitive or physical, their delays are primarily in adaptive and social emotional. I think that they will catch up with other children their age over time. However, they have difficulties with transitions and new situations, they don't like large groups or unfamiliar people, and they get overwhelmed easily. So mthe right environment is key. I want to remember to make decisions based on what is best for them and not most convienant for me. But maybe I just think too much about it and instead I should just put it in Gods hands and trust he will take care of them.

Twister

The younger kids and I spent some time just playing games today. The snow has finally melted but it was still rainy, wet and cold outside and I'm not yet feeling up to par. We pulled out Twister which is one of the new games Santa gave the kids for Christmas. The only one who was tall enough to play it the correct way was Philip and he would have had a hard time had I not rigged the spinner to land on colors he could reach. Addie and Carter had fun just jumping back and forth from color to color. Pretty soon Philip was stretched, twisted, turned, knotted and half flipped upside down, Addie who admires her big brotheeer to no end, thought he looked way too cool, so she copied his upside down stance to the best of her abilities. Carter continued to just jump back and forth from color spot to color spot. I was glad to see them each having fun in their own way. It amazes me to see the three yournger ones getting along so well, encouraging each other and admiring each other's creativity. I can learn a lot from them when I take the time to stop and observe them. Like the way Carter didn't sit out of the game just because he was too small to play, he made up his own rules and danced to his own beat as it would be. He wasn't bothered by the fact that he wasn't following the rules or that he wasn't fitting in with the others. He just enjoyed the game the best he could.

learning to take the risk

On Thursdays Sadie has piano lessons. She goes to my mom's house where the teacher, a family friend, comes and gives lessons to her and my nieces. She has been taking lessons for a year and half now and she loves it although it is a challenge for her. I am glad to see her having something that challenges her a bit since her school activities come so easily.

As I was helping her practice today I saw a perfect example of her sensitive inner spirit and strong will that so guide how she goes through life. She was playing a song that she hadn't practiced in awhile and she wasn't sure which position her hands were supposed to be in. She asked me where they should be but I wanted her to figure it out for herself. So I asked her prompting questions. She just looked at me with her stubborn wide-eyed glare and set chin that shows she is feeling challenged and doesn't like the feel of not knowing the answer. She always wants to have the answers, be right, not make mistakes. But I wasn't going to let her get out of it.
I asked the question again.
"Just tell me" she said. I could see the tears hovering in her eyes, she didn't want to get embarrassed.
"You can figure it out," I said, "take the risk, take a guess, just try."
Now it was an angry glare that looked back me. I quietly got up and gave her a minute to think about it, rubbing her back gently as I walked away letting her know I understood this was a challenge for her and that I was rooting for her, but wouldn't give her the answer.
She sat for a long time, just staring at the piano, then she started slightly kicking her feet very gently against the piano, just loud enough to try and catch my attention. I pretended I didn't hear. After another moment she played a few notes and then huffed and crossed her arms.
"It sounds beautiful," I called from the other room.
"No it doesn't," she called back,"I'm not even playing anything I don't know the right keys."
"Well it still sounds beautiful to me," I replied,"I'm just happy to hear you take a try, it's about giving yourself a chance to get it right... or wrong. You don't have a chance if you don't try."
Suddenly her features softened and the smile came back to her face. She put her hands back up on the keyboard with a questioning look that was less determined then before and more inquisitive. Then I gently showed her the right position for her hands to be in and I played the song with her until she was playing it perfectly on her own. She always seems to finds the right path in her own time.

Puppet Shows

Addie and Carter got a puppet theatre from Grandma and Grandpa for their birthday. They also got some adorable new puppets, a king, a queen, a keystone cop and a bad guy. So Addie, Carter, Philip and I spent the morning taking turns putting on puppet shows. It was really enlightening to listen to their imaginative ramblings as they played with the puppets and the theatre. They didn't quite get the concept of putting on a show or telling a story until I did a show for them. Then there little minds just spun these great tales using all the different puppets we had, the new people puppets and the old animal and bug puppets from last Christmas. Of course Philip had to take the puppet playtime to a whole new level. He decided that he needed to build a new set so he went and got his play nail gun and was busy "building" a stage and ladders and doors etc. He thought there should be some big strings of lights and a bigger stage, so we had to put the puppet show on hold while all three kids got out the tools and went to work. Philip was a great foreman delegating jobs to Addie and Carter. Philip would say, "put some screws in the front, OK now tighten the bolt. Hammer this nail in the board." Addie and Carter would pretend to do just what he said. Someday they just might all go into business together. I love to see this cooperative play time. It really reminds me that I need to slow down a little more often and let them lead the way, taking time to just play whatever and however they want without worrying about teaching them something or keeping their room tidy. They learn so much just by playing with each other, and the mess, well there is always time to clean tomorrow because the mess isn't going anywhere.

The daily grind...

Ok so I will admit it... I am a true coffee addict. I love the bean, the black gold, the rich dark heaven in a cup. I especially enjoy mochas, I usually order a grande, non-fat, extra hot mocha, but mix coffee with chocolate, and I am happy chic. I also have my favorite fru-fru specialty drinks like cinnamon dolce lattes, midnight mochas, carmel macchiatos or christmas kisses, for those days when I want to pamper myself or induldge in something that lingers a bit longer on the lips. Majority of the time I go for hot drinks, but on a hot day in mid summer I like the iced ones too. I usually stay away from blended beverages that disguise the true essence of coffee too much for my liking.

The love affair began at an early age for me, long before the coffee stands stood on every corner like they do now. My Grandma shared her cup of joe with me when I was just a toddler. She would let me order coffee at restaurants as a treat whenever I was out with her. Of course I'd add more cream than coffee and pour sugar in until my coffee was a syrypy consistency. But that is when the bean planted itself in my heart and the love of coffee just grew and grew. In highschool I was known as a coffee addict before it was in style. My girlfriends tested me to see if I could name all the coffee stands listed in the phonebook, and I won, naming more than were even listed because new coffee shops had opened since it was published.

I'm not sure why I enjoy coffee so much. I mean of course there is the heavenly flavor, the rich aroma, the warmth of the beverage and of course the addiction to the caffeine, but there is more. Perhaps it is the care that is taken in the entire process, hand picked coffee beans, patiently roasted to just the right rich hue, the precise grind and the well trained barista brewing the perfect cup, mishaps in any step can lead to a distasteful disaster. But when each step of the process is completed with care and a heavenly cup of coffee is loving brewed to perfection, I have a cup full of paradise personalized just for me and that is more than just a cup of joe.

snip, snip

Well she did it. I knew it was coming, they say every child will do it sometime in their young life, but so far Addie is the first. She cut her hair. No she butchered her hair. Right down to the scalp on the left side.

Yeah it looks awful, yeah I was upset, yeah I totally blew it. I handled the whole situation all wrong. I always thought that I would be one of those cool, calm and collected moms that if my kids totally screwed up. I thought I would stay level headed and not turn into a screaming banshee. But I am not.

I had taken Sadie and Philip to a birthday party and Jose had stayed home with the twins. I was on my way home when I got a text message on my cell saying that Addie had cut her own hair. I immediately dialed home. If you had been in the car with me this is what you would have heard,"What are you taking about Addie cut her own hair? How did she do that? Where did she get scissors? Where were you? Did she cut a lot of hair off? Is it noticeable? Does it look completely stupid? Oh my gosh I can't believe it, oh my gosh!!! Ohhh Nooooo!"

Things only got worse when I actually got home and saw the mess for myself. Not only had she cut her hair down to the scalp on one side, but she had also cut some of Carter's hair and she had cut up her pillow case and she had strewn the hair all over her room. This had taken her some time. So first the ranting was aimed at Addie. "I can't believe you did this naughty naughty naughty. Oh my gosh your hair looks ugly, why would you do that. Bad, bad , bad." I really lost it. I am so ashamed now of how I handled it. I should have just given myself some time. I wish I would have been calmer and told her I wasn't happy that she cut her own hair and that it isn't safe for her to use scissors, but that it was just hair and it would grow back. But I didn't. I totally overreacted. I blew it.

But that isn't all. I then turned my rantings onto my husband although I was a little easier on him, but still going overboard. "Where were you when this happened? Were you not paying any attention to them at all. I mean I know accidents happen but come on this must have taken her half an hour to do and you didn't notice she had scissors. And then you just laugh at it you don't even discipline her. Nice very nice." Of course he didn't take this very well and in turn got mad at me. He said, don't ask him to watch the kids then and where was I when Addie had gotten into the floor cleaner and so on.

Worse thing is, he was right. This incident totally could have happened when I was home and cooking dinner or something. And this really wasn't the most dangerous stunt Addie has pulled lately. It is just the one with longest lasting consequence because her hair grows so slowly. When I admitted it to myself, I was being really shallow. I was upset more than anything because she was not looking so cute anymore. I was embarassed to be seen with this girl with the ugly haircut, and that was what had me so upset. Not because it was unsafe or against the rules. She had gotten herself into many compromising circumstances in recent days. It seems that her goal lately is to test the limits and push the buttons like none of our other kids have done before. I was always pretty patient with her and hadn't completely blown my top like this before. But then again, in prior times of testing she would flash me her sweet little grin and look so cute I softened before I got too mad. At this moment she was not looking so cute.

I had to look at myself when I realized this and re-evaluate the kind of parent I was versus the kind I wanted to be. I'm working a little harder these days on building up my kids self-esteem. I'm also trying to be a bit more patient, a lot more observant, and even more forgiving.

I ook Addie to my sister's house later that day and she gave her a new haircut. Short hairdo that makes her chop job a little less noticeable. It's not real cute, but it doesn't stand out like a sore thumb at least. And at least she looks cute in hats!

New Year, Same Old Me

Ok how many times do I have to see those diet ads on tv that say a new year a new you, or kick off the new year as a healthier you, before I join the bandwagon. I always think in January about starting a new healthy lifestyle just like every other person out there. It usually doesn't actually start until the christsmas treats and birthday junk are gone sometime in mid January, and by mid February when valentines chocolates and Sadie's birthday come around, it is already time for a new resolution. So I have decided this year I am going to do things differently. I am going to work from the inside out. I am going to hand things over to my maker and let him do an extreme inner makeover. I am going on the un-diet. I am going to not excercise and I am going to not eat diet food. I am not going to stay away from treats and sweets, and I am not going to deprive myself. Instead I am going to add soul food into my diet or rather food for my soul. I am going to add more thought and prayer into my choices. I will add great healthy foods into my menu, and double the amount of fruits and veggies I eat. I am going to not stress about what I do or do not eat. I am going to add more active playtime with my kids into my schedule and get more time outside in the freshair. I am going to be more hands on. I will run, chase and dance with my kids every chance I can, instead of watching from the sidelines. I am not going to start an excercise program I won't stick with and join a gym I won't go to. I will make healthier choices, and make them a part of my daily life, instead of a phase I am going through or fad I am into. I will spend more time with the Lord in prayer, praise and meditation. I will keep a happier, more enthusiastic and positive attitude about each aspect of my life, by putting God at the center.I will hand over all areas of my life to God and let him lead me in better choices. I will let him mold me and shape me from the inside out. But I don't want a new me, just same old me, only better.