Just how hard is it to be a mom?

Recently a friend asked me how hard it was to be a mom, especially a full time stay-at-home mom, and if I ever regretted not taking the career path. I knew it was a sincere question, and my tendency to give a pat response of "it's great, I love my kids" just wouldn't fly. So I had to stop and evaluate, give myself a heart check, and get real. Here was my candid response...


Being a mom is far, far more difficult than I would have ever imagined. I had been a very involved proud auntie for over half my life when I became a mom. So I thought I would have it down, I thought I knew how to care for a child. But the tremendous stress of being the one who is accountable for your child's behavior, morals, learning, growth, health, etc... it is unimaginable until you are holding the position. The responsibility is not always all its cracked up to be. But its more than that. Sometimes it is lonely, sometimes it feels like no one understands what you go through. There is no break or vacation. And even if you do happen to get time to yourself for some reason you feel guilty and you want to be right back with your kids, because no one knows how to care for them like you do. And there is no right way to do things. It's not like kids come with instruction manuals and you can't just follow these steps to troubleshoot when things go wrong. So there is always this underlying worry that you could be screwing your kids up for life, because for some reason the psychiatrists always blame the mother. And then just when you think you might be getting the hang of it, you have another one, and all the old rules go out the window because this new one doesn't fit the mold.

But do I ever for a second wish I could go back and not have a single one of my kids? Do I ever wish that I had spent my days in my dream job making great money and earning prestige? Do I wish I hadn't been someones personal maid, chef, nurse, activities director, chauffeur and butt wiper all day long? That is easy NO WAY. I love all of my kids to death. I love their unique individual personalities, their strengths and weaknesses, their character, their energy, their emotion and spirit. I love the challenges I face everyday, the lessons I learn, the obstacles I face. And no matter how many times I actually cry because I just don't know what to do with them, I never wish things were that different. Maybe once in awhile that I had a full time nanny or maid to lend me a hand, or wipe a butt, but I'd want to claim all the kisses and hugs and tender moments all to myself.


That was my response. After thinking about it more I realize I'm very lucky to have a great deal of support to lean on, and that I'm not alone, so even if I feel overwhelmed I know I have someone to turn to. And I am so thankful for all the help and support that I have from my family and friends that allows me to have Mommy breaks and kid free time. But even if I had no one and it meant that I spent 24/7 with my kids each day of the year, I'd still love every minute, at least when I looked back on it.

I admit that sometimes, perhaps even most of the time I am so caught up in the day to day routine, the tasks, the mess, the fights, the work, that I forget to to live in the moment and fully experience all the aspects of life as a mother. I forget to stop and enjoy this day with them, this precious minute in time that belongs just to us. Sometimes I forget to laugh at the little things, or celebrate the bigger things. I forget that all too soon they will be grown and there will be no more fingerprints on the glass, or crayons on the wall. I forget they won't need me to wash their wash or wipe their bum. I forget they won't always want me to stop everything and play with them, or read them a story. I forget that someday they will be all grown up, and they will move on. That I won't have to remind them to clean their room or clear their plates. I forget that everyday I have with them is one less day I have with them.

So to my children... for all the times I've raised my voice, brushed you to the side, or made you wait until it was too late; for all the times I didn't take the time; for the times when what needed to get done over ruled what should have been done; I'm sorry. I love you. Let's enjoy this time.

With Love, Mommy

Drama

I've come to the realization after a recent bible study that God loves drama, and we are made in his image, therefore we also love drama. As you read the bible you find it is chalk full of drama, so why this idea surprises me I don't know. It's just that I know there is drama God style with a purpose for His Glory, and then there is this false, greedy, immature, Babylonian style of drama. I have to admit I frequently fall for the trap of the false drama like that caught on tape in reality TV, like in shows like the Hills and others like it. I'm ashamed to say I'm a little addicted to the drama of this world. It fascinates me to see a little inside these peoples lives and watch how they live, think, work situations to their advantage. I know it's not right that I even let this garbage take up my time. I'm completely appalled by most of what I see, and yet i keep on watching. What's wrong with me?

Punctuation

You know what I realized today.... I love to punctuate!!!!

Yep, I am a sucker for the dot, dot, dot and even the dashes. I love me a semicolon and a comma. I Like the quotes, the brackets and even the parentheses. Who doesn't like an exclamation point, especially when it surrounded by question marks ?!?

But really.... I'm sure my punctuation is far from proper english ... However, if you know me, you also probably know that I frequently stop mid-sentance to let my mouth catch up with my brain (surprising since I actually talk very fast), and the fingers need even more catch up time. Therefore you get the... and the -- of course, then there is the obstacle of trying to express emotion in words without using endless adjectives and running off at the mouth more than usual. So I frequently end my sentances with ?!? questioning exclamations, or just plain over excitement!!!!

Well at least every other word isn't a :)smiley face... maybe I don't smile enough anymore, or lol. But at least I do laught at myself!

A case for the reinstatment of naptime

Today was one of those days that you wish you had stayed in bed half the day. Or at least that your kids had. I had just Addie and Carter at home... and my nephew Nate who is also 4 years old. So I should have expected there to be some issues with 3 four year olds. They started the day by waking me up to spilled milk... yep they were up early and helping themselves to cereal. Ok no big deal I can clean up spilt milk. Then we got dressed and went to meet Sam and fam at McD's for some indoor energy burning time becaues it was gray and rainy. It was a little loud and hectic at McDonalds but nothing I couldn't handle.

Then we got home. I had to make a couple phone calls so I thought I will get them started playing a game.... then they will be nice and busy and quiet so I can talk to the girl from church without yelling at the kids or sounding like I'm visiting a zoo.

Haha I don't know how long I've been living in dreamland but my visa is probably about to expire. The giggles were my first warning, but had to be ignored because I was busy on the phone laptop and paperwork piled around me, too much of a mess to easily set aside. So as giggles escalated into full fits of laughter my concern began to grow... then the laughter stopped and joyful voices turned to screaches and snarls, elevating my brain began to spin at all the possibilities i may face after the phone call... just hurry and finish up the work so you can restore peace before there is bloodshed.

Soon screaches became passionate, violent, screams too loud and intrusive for even the girl on the other end of the phoneline to ignore. "Yes, your right I do have to go, yep the kids must really need my attention... "

The phone isn't out of my hand for a second when Carter runs in with big tears in his eyes, Addie runs past with a big flashlight in hand shaking it fiercly about. Doesn't take a genius clue detective to figure out it was Ms. Addie in the bedroom with the flashlight as her weapon.

If only it would have been as simple as taking away some improperly used emergency lighting devices. But no, that was the least of the infractions. Upon entering the bedroom I see that the bedding has all been stripped off and thrown down from the bunk. After picking up all the bedding I see that under it lays a layer of breakfast cereal. Some little girl- not to mention any names- had snuck the box of cereal up into the bunk and then poured it down over the edge onto the boys like sweet raindrops falling on their head. And yes it had been a freshly opened box that morning, and yes it was now entirely emptied out onto the carpet. But even better than that, the game that they had been supposed to be playing was also strewn piece by piece across the carpet so that the cereal couldn't even be vaccuumed up it had to be picked up by hand.

You best believe that I did not do the clean up. 30 little fingers on 6 little hands picked up every last little drop of that cereal off that carpet, and every single piece of that game. They also remade their beds, and then they got to take a nap on them... because mommy needed a little down time.

After naptime they went to Grandma's... I had a meeting to go to... such a bummer!

Sweetest Thing

Tonight my husband said the sweetest thing to me. And he isn't exactly Mr Romantic so it meant alot to me. But i was looking up some random things online for Awana and there was a long list of names on the computer... and he said what are you searching for a list of people who have it in for you, (note that is not the sweet part) and i said no it's just Awana stuff. And then he said oh, well I knew it wasn't a list of people who love you because I would have been at the top of the list... right? I'd be at the top of the list.

From the average Joe it might not have been the sweetest thing, but from my man of few words, whose words are usually sarcastic when they do come, I thought this was rather sweet. And the question at the end... "I'd be at the top right?" made it even a little sweeter because he said it with a touch of vulnerability. And yes, I said he'd always be at the top of the list.