Just how hard is it to be a mom?

Recently a friend asked me how hard it was to be a mom, especially a full time stay-at-home mom, and if I ever regretted not taking the career path. I knew it was a sincere question, and my tendency to give a pat response of "it's great, I love my kids" just wouldn't fly. So I had to stop and evaluate, give myself a heart check, and get real. Here was my candid response...


Being a mom is far, far more difficult than I would have ever imagined. I had been a very involved proud auntie for over half my life when I became a mom. So I thought I would have it down, I thought I knew how to care for a child. But the tremendous stress of being the one who is accountable for your child's behavior, morals, learning, growth, health, etc... it is unimaginable until you are holding the position. The responsibility is not always all its cracked up to be. But its more than that. Sometimes it is lonely, sometimes it feels like no one understands what you go through. There is no break or vacation. And even if you do happen to get time to yourself for some reason you feel guilty and you want to be right back with your kids, because no one knows how to care for them like you do. And there is no right way to do things. It's not like kids come with instruction manuals and you can't just follow these steps to troubleshoot when things go wrong. So there is always this underlying worry that you could be screwing your kids up for life, because for some reason the psychiatrists always blame the mother. And then just when you think you might be getting the hang of it, you have another one, and all the old rules go out the window because this new one doesn't fit the mold.

But do I ever for a second wish I could go back and not have a single one of my kids? Do I ever wish that I had spent my days in my dream job making great money and earning prestige? Do I wish I hadn't been someones personal maid, chef, nurse, activities director, chauffeur and butt wiper all day long? That is easy NO WAY. I love all of my kids to death. I love their unique individual personalities, their strengths and weaknesses, their character, their energy, their emotion and spirit. I love the challenges I face everyday, the lessons I learn, the obstacles I face. And no matter how many times I actually cry because I just don't know what to do with them, I never wish things were that different. Maybe once in awhile that I had a full time nanny or maid to lend me a hand, or wipe a butt, but I'd want to claim all the kisses and hugs and tender moments all to myself.


That was my response. After thinking about it more I realize I'm very lucky to have a great deal of support to lean on, and that I'm not alone, so even if I feel overwhelmed I know I have someone to turn to. And I am so thankful for all the help and support that I have from my family and friends that allows me to have Mommy breaks and kid free time. But even if I had no one and it meant that I spent 24/7 with my kids each day of the year, I'd still love every minute, at least when I looked back on it.

I admit that sometimes, perhaps even most of the time I am so caught up in the day to day routine, the tasks, the mess, the fights, the work, that I forget to to live in the moment and fully experience all the aspects of life as a mother. I forget to stop and enjoy this day with them, this precious minute in time that belongs just to us. Sometimes I forget to laugh at the little things, or celebrate the bigger things. I forget that all too soon they will be grown and there will be no more fingerprints on the glass, or crayons on the wall. I forget they won't need me to wash their wash or wipe their bum. I forget they won't always want me to stop everything and play with them, or read them a story. I forget that someday they will be all grown up, and they will move on. That I won't have to remind them to clean their room or clear their plates. I forget that everyday I have with them is one less day I have with them.

So to my children... for all the times I've raised my voice, brushed you to the side, or made you wait until it was too late; for all the times I didn't take the time; for the times when what needed to get done over ruled what should have been done; I'm sorry. I love you. Let's enjoy this time.

With Love, Mommy

Drama

I've come to the realization after a recent bible study that God loves drama, and we are made in his image, therefore we also love drama. As you read the bible you find it is chalk full of drama, so why this idea surprises me I don't know. It's just that I know there is drama God style with a purpose for His Glory, and then there is this false, greedy, immature, Babylonian style of drama. I have to admit I frequently fall for the trap of the false drama like that caught on tape in reality TV, like in shows like the Hills and others like it. I'm ashamed to say I'm a little addicted to the drama of this world. It fascinates me to see a little inside these peoples lives and watch how they live, think, work situations to their advantage. I know it's not right that I even let this garbage take up my time. I'm completely appalled by most of what I see, and yet i keep on watching. What's wrong with me?

Punctuation

You know what I realized today.... I love to punctuate!!!!

Yep, I am a sucker for the dot, dot, dot and even the dashes. I love me a semicolon and a comma. I Like the quotes, the brackets and even the parentheses. Who doesn't like an exclamation point, especially when it surrounded by question marks ?!?

But really.... I'm sure my punctuation is far from proper english ... However, if you know me, you also probably know that I frequently stop mid-sentance to let my mouth catch up with my brain (surprising since I actually talk very fast), and the fingers need even more catch up time. Therefore you get the... and the -- of course, then there is the obstacle of trying to express emotion in words without using endless adjectives and running off at the mouth more than usual. So I frequently end my sentances with ?!? questioning exclamations, or just plain over excitement!!!!

Well at least every other word isn't a :)smiley face... maybe I don't smile enough anymore, or lol. But at least I do laught at myself!

A case for the reinstatment of naptime

Today was one of those days that you wish you had stayed in bed half the day. Or at least that your kids had. I had just Addie and Carter at home... and my nephew Nate who is also 4 years old. So I should have expected there to be some issues with 3 four year olds. They started the day by waking me up to spilled milk... yep they were up early and helping themselves to cereal. Ok no big deal I can clean up spilt milk. Then we got dressed and went to meet Sam and fam at McD's for some indoor energy burning time becaues it was gray and rainy. It was a little loud and hectic at McDonalds but nothing I couldn't handle.

Then we got home. I had to make a couple phone calls so I thought I will get them started playing a game.... then they will be nice and busy and quiet so I can talk to the girl from church without yelling at the kids or sounding like I'm visiting a zoo.

Haha I don't know how long I've been living in dreamland but my visa is probably about to expire. The giggles were my first warning, but had to be ignored because I was busy on the phone laptop and paperwork piled around me, too much of a mess to easily set aside. So as giggles escalated into full fits of laughter my concern began to grow... then the laughter stopped and joyful voices turned to screaches and snarls, elevating my brain began to spin at all the possibilities i may face after the phone call... just hurry and finish up the work so you can restore peace before there is bloodshed.

Soon screaches became passionate, violent, screams too loud and intrusive for even the girl on the other end of the phoneline to ignore. "Yes, your right I do have to go, yep the kids must really need my attention... "

The phone isn't out of my hand for a second when Carter runs in with big tears in his eyes, Addie runs past with a big flashlight in hand shaking it fiercly about. Doesn't take a genius clue detective to figure out it was Ms. Addie in the bedroom with the flashlight as her weapon.

If only it would have been as simple as taking away some improperly used emergency lighting devices. But no, that was the least of the infractions. Upon entering the bedroom I see that the bedding has all been stripped off and thrown down from the bunk. After picking up all the bedding I see that under it lays a layer of breakfast cereal. Some little girl- not to mention any names- had snuck the box of cereal up into the bunk and then poured it down over the edge onto the boys like sweet raindrops falling on their head. And yes it had been a freshly opened box that morning, and yes it was now entirely emptied out onto the carpet. But even better than that, the game that they had been supposed to be playing was also strewn piece by piece across the carpet so that the cereal couldn't even be vaccuumed up it had to be picked up by hand.

You best believe that I did not do the clean up. 30 little fingers on 6 little hands picked up every last little drop of that cereal off that carpet, and every single piece of that game. They also remade their beds, and then they got to take a nap on them... because mommy needed a little down time.

After naptime they went to Grandma's... I had a meeting to go to... such a bummer!

Sweetest Thing

Tonight my husband said the sweetest thing to me. And he isn't exactly Mr Romantic so it meant alot to me. But i was looking up some random things online for Awana and there was a long list of names on the computer... and he said what are you searching for a list of people who have it in for you, (note that is not the sweet part) and i said no it's just Awana stuff. And then he said oh, well I knew it wasn't a list of people who love you because I would have been at the top of the list... right? I'd be at the top of the list.

From the average Joe it might not have been the sweetest thing, but from my man of few words, whose words are usually sarcastic when they do come, I thought this was rather sweet. And the question at the end... "I'd be at the top right?" made it even a little sweeter because he said it with a touch of vulnerability. And yes, I said he'd always be at the top of the list.

A Good Pair of Jeans

I've heard it said before that the right pair of jeans could make the whole world look better, but I never believed it until today. Today I think I got the first pair of jeans that ever really felt like they fit me right. And not just in one of my many trouble areas but they fit right everywhere... they fit over the big curvey hips, but still come in enough to cover the smaller waste and not create a big gap showing off my undies. They are boot cut so they have a nice line on the leg and are not too tight at the thigh or calf. They feel good on me and I feel good in them. Best part of it is they are two sizes smaller than I wore 4 months ago. Another great feature is they were a no rason for it gift from my generous big sis who also got me two great bras and a cute green sweater. The sweater is a little bold for me... it's a shade I would not normally go for... a little bright for my usual taste, and it's a little more fitted not baggy like I usually lean towards... but it looks slimming on me. I think I'm feeling good about myself, and it's a nice place to be.

I also spent the time today to straighten my hair. My ever so generous sister just gave me her old chi hair straightening iron and it gets soo hot that it actually works to straighten my boing boing curls out flat and keep them that way. It looked pretty good... a little hard to get used to, but different and I like that. It even inspired me to do my eyebrows and put on some makeup this morning. I just might start taking the time again to care about what I look like before leaving the house... hmmm...... we'll see that sounds like quite the commitment.

Anyway today was a good day.... good looks... good fortune... good company... a nice step towards a transformation.

A Trasformation

That is my New Year's Resolution. I want to be Transformed- Heart, Mind, Body and Soul.

Romans12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

My life will be a living testament of God's grace- mercy- power and perfect will.

My greatest desire is to be found holy and pleasing to God.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I will be a reflection of His glory. I will find freedom in being filled with the Holy Spirit.

Isaiah 64:8 Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

I will let God mold me and shape me into the person he has planned me to be.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will seek God with All of My Heart. I will praise Him and glorify him all of my days.

Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Lord keep my mind fixated on things that are holy and pleasing to you.

May I be thankful to you in all the ups and downs of my life,

remembering that I may not always understand your ways

but that I can be at peace in that fact you have a plan for my life.

Deuteronomy 10:12 And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

Lord let this be the year that I am completely transformed.
Allow me to be amazed by all the things I can do only through you.

May I serve you Lord my God, with all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my body and all of my soul.