Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I'm 30 Today.


Yup, couldn't avoid it. I have felt like I was 30 years old since I was 12, so I really didn't think it was a big deal, until it happened. Suddenly my 30th birthday was here and I wanted to be 18 again, the world at my doorway and not knowing where I was headed. Actually I was lost. That was not so fun. Perhaps it'd be better to be 22 again. I liked 22, it was a pivitol year in my life. A lot of good things happened that year, like the birth of my firstborn. It would be a fun year to revisit. I was young and thought I knew everything, only to find out by becoming a mom, I knew nothing. Ok, maybe I want to be 50, wiser, more settled, more secure, feeling like life has passed in the blink of an eye. On second thought, maybe it's nice to be 30. Old enough to know I don't know everything, young enough to see a future full of possibility. Maybe 30 will be the year for me to find me.

I guess I just am not where I thought I would be at 30 years old. I still don't feel like a grown up. And yet I'm certainly no longer a kid. I'm not sure if the feeling of crossroads is because I'm still so immature, or if I have it's because I've always tried to be too mature. I've always felt like I didn't belong at the kiddie table. Now that I'm old enough to sit with the grown ups, I'd rather be sitting with my kids. Maybe we never feel our age.