Just how hard is it to be a mom?

Recently a friend asked me how hard it was to be a mom, especially a full time stay-at-home mom, and if I ever regretted not taking the career path. I knew it was a sincere question, and my tendency to give a pat response of "it's great, I love my kids" just wouldn't fly. So I had to stop and evaluate, give myself a heart check, and get real. Here was my candid response...


Being a mom is far, far more difficult than I would have ever imagined. I had been a very involved proud auntie for over half my life when I became a mom. So I thought I would have it down, I thought I knew how to care for a child. But the tremendous stress of being the one who is accountable for your child's behavior, morals, learning, growth, health, etc... it is unimaginable until you are holding the position. The responsibility is not always all its cracked up to be. But its more than that. Sometimes it is lonely, sometimes it feels like no one understands what you go through. There is no break or vacation. And even if you do happen to get time to yourself for some reason you feel guilty and you want to be right back with your kids, because no one knows how to care for them like you do. And there is no right way to do things. It's not like kids come with instruction manuals and you can't just follow these steps to troubleshoot when things go wrong. So there is always this underlying worry that you could be screwing your kids up for life, because for some reason the psychiatrists always blame the mother. And then just when you think you might be getting the hang of it, you have another one, and all the old rules go out the window because this new one doesn't fit the mold.

But do I ever for a second wish I could go back and not have a single one of my kids? Do I ever wish that I had spent my days in my dream job making great money and earning prestige? Do I wish I hadn't been someones personal maid, chef, nurse, activities director, chauffeur and butt wiper all day long? That is easy NO WAY. I love all of my kids to death. I love their unique individual personalities, their strengths and weaknesses, their character, their energy, their emotion and spirit. I love the challenges I face everyday, the lessons I learn, the obstacles I face. And no matter how many times I actually cry because I just don't know what to do with them, I never wish things were that different. Maybe once in awhile that I had a full time nanny or maid to lend me a hand, or wipe a butt, but I'd want to claim all the kisses and hugs and tender moments all to myself.


That was my response. After thinking about it more I realize I'm very lucky to have a great deal of support to lean on, and that I'm not alone, so even if I feel overwhelmed I know I have someone to turn to. And I am so thankful for all the help and support that I have from my family and friends that allows me to have Mommy breaks and kid free time. But even if I had no one and it meant that I spent 24/7 with my kids each day of the year, I'd still love every minute, at least when I looked back on it.

I admit that sometimes, perhaps even most of the time I am so caught up in the day to day routine, the tasks, the mess, the fights, the work, that I forget to to live in the moment and fully experience all the aspects of life as a mother. I forget to stop and enjoy this day with them, this precious minute in time that belongs just to us. Sometimes I forget to laugh at the little things, or celebrate the bigger things. I forget that all too soon they will be grown and there will be no more fingerprints on the glass, or crayons on the wall. I forget they won't need me to wash their wash or wipe their bum. I forget they won't always want me to stop everything and play with them, or read them a story. I forget that someday they will be all grown up, and they will move on. That I won't have to remind them to clean their room or clear their plates. I forget that everyday I have with them is one less day I have with them.

So to my children... for all the times I've raised my voice, brushed you to the side, or made you wait until it was too late; for all the times I didn't take the time; for the times when what needed to get done over ruled what should have been done; I'm sorry. I love you. Let's enjoy this time.

With Love, Mommy